The 21 Day Heart of Gratitude Journey: A Gratitude Challgenge
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I was not always a grateful girl. Ummmm. No. There
have been a few times when I couldn't see past my feet, that is, I couldn't see
past myself and was only able to stew in my disappointments.
I was thinking about one of them last night.
Turning 30 was hard for me. I've
since talked with a few women (now that forty is also in my back pocket) and
they agreed that thirty was a difficult age. I guess, I thought that with
my twenties done, I should have accomplished certain things. When I looked back
at my lack of accomplishments, the disappointment completely overwhelmed me.
I was in such a blind, bad place that more
than once that year I'd be driving in my car and think, "I'm going to take
my son and runaway."
I'll run far away. Go to some place
no one knows me - be a mysterious aloof young mom who wears faded dresses from
the forties, makes pies in a lonely diner, and gives sage advice to travelers.
(I must have seen that in a movie or something but I sure thought it was
a rational thing to do.)
I'd leave all my responsibilities, (except
my baby!) and go somewhere else.
I'd leave my aweful husband.
Marriage was too hard. And the man I'd chosen was horrible.
He worked two jobs. He didn't pick up his socks after taking them
off. And he always forgot to call when he was going to be late.
That last one was the thing that set me
over the edge. Seriously. You'd think the top of my head blew off
every time he forgot to call and tell me where he was and why he wasn't home.
Was he out with his friends? No.
Was he drinking in a tavern somewhere?
No.
Was he doing something that would break
our marriage vows? No.
Where was he?
Usually - he was running an errand or just
coming home from work.
It seems really silly now that I would get
so furious. (oh, ladies, I mean screeching, scalded-cat furious) that he
didn't call when he was late, but I would. And It was a huge problem in
our marriage ( Read: for the control freak in me.)
I was going to pick up everything and
leave that terrible, inconsiderate man and not
tell him where I was!
You would think that a thirty-year-old
woman would have enough maturity not to be acting like a five year old.
But Thirty was a Bad year for me. All I saw was myself.
I had no gratitude -was thankful for nothing-because I was surrounded by
the empty boxes of what I
didn't have.
Until last night when I was thinking what
I would share today - I hadn't made the connection that turning thirty
was hard for me because I had no gratitude.
I thought it was bad because I had
"given up" my dreams to become a mom - which actually had been one of
my dreams.
I thought it was bad because other people
hadn't seen my potential and thus held me back. (Sounds ridiculous and
arrogant now)
I thought it was bad because my husband
forgot to call me when he was late.
It was a terrible year because I had a
terrible attitude, and it took some legitimately difficult times to break me
out of that attitude and see the blessings I'm surrounded with daily.
I wish I could tell you that I don't
sometimes revert to a terrible attitude and want to run away and go make pie in a lonely
diner. (I can't roll out a pie crust to save my life!) But I can
tell you that I stuck with it, have four children now, I'm still married, my
husband still leaves his socks everywhere, he forgets to call, works hard, and
has never broken our marriage vows.
I can tell you that living with Gratitude
makes everything easier.
Watch for today's Heart of Gratitude post at
Domesticraft.com. There are some exciting things happening over on
Nancy's site...
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| This Gratitude Box - will be in the giveaway! |
9 comments
Another great post <3 I really like the painting of the bird too
ReplyDeleteThat bird box speaks to me! It reminds me of a piece of art by John Derian. Love love love it.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post really hit home with me for a couple of reasons.
First of all....I had so much trouble with turning 30. I wasn't expecting it to hit me so hard and it did and holy moly it was hard but in reality...that is when the magic began for me.
That is when I decided to go to Nanny School and my life has never been the same.
Thank you for reminding me of how much I have to be grateful for this morning!
Wonderful post, Dana - and I'm in total agreement that gratitude is the key to a good life. Whether 30, 50 or 65, it makes everything easier.
ReplyDeleteYou know what Dana, this is a fabulous post! I love that you showed a piece of yourself so openly! Sometimes we forget that others go through some of the same things we have or are!! I am well past 30...I'm 50, but you know I can honestly say I had some of the similar days you did! And I think for the very same reason!! But when I took my eyes off of myself and my circumstances and focused them on the Lord, He brought it ALL into focus and perspective for me!! Like you, can I say that I don't still have my moments? NO! But, I also know that having that very heart of gratitude, no matter the circumstances, DOES really make the difference! You are just so precious to share yourself with us and I just want to thank you for your AMAZING heart of gratitude with all that you and Nancy are sharing with us! Blessings to you! :)
ReplyDeleteIf we are all honest we would have to admit we do get het up over things we shouldn't. As long as we know those husbands are looking our for us in the long run we won't always get annoyed. Great pic of the dog.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful blog post! I just love your writing style, Dana! How is it you don't have a book published and up on Amazon? Hmmm?
ReplyDeleteTurning 30 was a learning curve for me but I am glad I experienced it.
ReplyDeleteThis post was outstanding! Soooo very deep. I like you soooo much:)
ReplyDeleteWowzers. My first time here, and I am straight up blown away. Such a wondrous, real, heartfelt, beautiful post. I am so glad I took a few moments to read. Could not stop once I started. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteThoughts and comments always welcome and will be posted after viewing by the moderator.